Friday, April 10, 2009

Feels like Loser-Ville

I feel like such a loser right now. I think I'm just buzzed and tired though.

I worked the late shift and put in an hour over time. It was after midnight when I left work. The BF left me his car so, I drove down to the club him and his friends were going to meet me at.

It was really fun. Co-op and Hunnicut were spinning and they are the best DJ's I know. The BF wants them to play at our wedding reception and I agree! The night we met for the first time was at a Co-op and Hunnicut show.

I offered my boyfriend a blowjob tonight and he said he'd rather hang out with his friends. Faggot.

I think I live vicariously through my boyfriend. He's so awesome and popular and I'm so retarded and lame.

I think The BF and I compliment each other well. He's extroverted and I'm introverted, but pretend to be extroverted. He can never make a decision and I can always make a decision.

He can't cook, but I'm really good at cooking. He loves playing music and I love listening to music. He has a million friends and I wish I had a million friends. I just like to pretend that his friends are my friends too so I don't feel so cheap-ass in the friend department.

I don't know why I'm so obsessed with my relationships with other people. I need to fucking get over it because it slowly kills me every day.

Like, today at work, a coworker tried to make small talk with me, but I didn't understand that it was one of those conversation where you don't actually say what you mean, so I started responding, but then halfway through realized my coworker was totally not even listening and instead scrolling through her fucking blackberry. And I felt so fucking dumb.

It's like what the fuck is wrong with me? I'm socially retarded. Half the time I have no idea what to say to people because I don't know what they want when they talk to me. I can never tell if they are trying to get to know me or if they are so used to asking meaningless questions they do it out of habit.

I don't know what they want. I have no interpersonal skills apparently. I'm such a loser I am such a loser.

Tomorrow I'm going to help a coworker sandbag his house. I'm hoping this gesture will shine a positive light on me and make people like me.

I can't believe my boyfriend turned down a blowjob. What a faggot. He ALWAYS wants a bj and now suddenly his friends are more important.

Maybe I have no friends because I'd choose oral sex over them.

1 comment:

  1. I always thought you were quite rich in the friend department. Although I really never knew you that well. But people seemed to like you. Perhaps you need to cultivate existing friendships or past ones rather than trying create new one. Although, with that said, you are in a relatively new city where you might not have access to these old friendships.

    Sandbagging will indeed make you look like a shinning star. Also, the bro code dictates that one receives copious amounts of pizza and beer for helping with such a thing. But I'm not sure if that applies in the fem code