Wednesday, December 31, 2008

On Feeling Hungry

Whenever I'm upset about something I can't eat. My body just doesn't let me. The thought of swallowing the tiniest morsel of food makes me sick. I'm glad for that though. A lot of people get depressed and eat cookies. Then they get fat.

Yesterday I bought the $6 lunch special from work - quiche and soup - and I literally ate one bite of the quiche and a few spoonfuls of soup. It was too much. I had to stop. I stared at it for twenty minutes, stirring the soup with the little plastic spoon I was given to eat it with. Then I threw it in the trash. I couldn't eat because I had no New Years plans. Then things got figured out and I DO have New Years plans. By that time it was too late to get more lunch and I went hungry. I have this love hate relationship with food. I know that I need it to survive, but I hate it and wish I didn't.

I used to only eat enough to keep me from fainting. I lived on Cheerios and apple juice. Now I eat 3 meals a day. I always used to tell myself growing up that I would never get fat. Now I'm fat and I hate myself. My boyfriend always tells me that I'm not fat, but I honestly think that I am. I need to lose 30 pounds in order to be happy with my weight.

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