I think the storm has passed. I know that for the rest of my life I'll probably be paranoid. I'll probably be anxious and claustrophobic. I'll probably be depressed.
But for right now, I feel fucking fantastic. I found my old diaries and I started reading them for hours. God, to be 13 again! I was so excited about life, the world, and growing up. I was boy crazy and felt pretty. Where did that young girl go? She used to be so vibrant.
How did she mature into this gloomy cloud? I don't know.
Life fucking sucks the dick, but I need to get out in the world anyway. I want to go where I've never gone before. I'm not ready to die. There's too much shit to do and I want to do it before I can't.
Gotta see the world before it ends. Before the mountains erode to nothing; before all the rivers and lakes dry up into mud pits; and before all the forests are chopped barren and form large deserts. Gotta leave the country before Big Brother cracks down on international travel and implements newspeak.
Then I'll write about it in my journal. Hopefully I'll have children and grandchildren to pass my writings on to. They can read my adventure long after I'm gone. Maybe then my life will have meaning.