I went for a bike ride today. I feel okay. Not good, but not bad either. Just neutral. I think I'm really going to start playing my ukulele for realzies this time. All of my boyfriend's friends (plus The BF too) are musicians or singers in some way. I'm neither and that makes me feel like an outsider. I'm going to learn the ukulele and be cool like everyone else.
Fuck, this one girl sings and plays the SAW!!! Who even plays that as an instrument? And there's all these weird drums and shakers and things in every house we go into.
Today we met some hula hoop girls who also surface juggle at breakfast at a friend's house. It was cool, but weird too. They were pretty au natural if you know what I mean. Hairy armpits and legs and big eyebrows. They all dreaded their hair and wore fucked up crazy hobo outfits. Oh, and of course, NO BRAS! Big saggy tits with nothing to restrain them. I love seeing that while I'm trying to eat my blueberry pancakes. Like huge gross nipples.
The BF's best friend is leaving on a month long bike trip. Thank fucking God. If they spent any more time together I'd think they were jacking each other off every night!
It will be nice to not have to compete for attention for a while.
Sometimes I just feel so fucking outside of everything, you know what I mean? Like I'm alienated everywhere I go. I hate that. I do it to myself, for sure, but I still hate it. And I hate myself for it too.
And I wish I could sing really good. That would solve a lot of my problems. Being a better singer is something I should work on.