Saturday, June 6, 2009

It's Over

In three months I'll be single. The BF and I are just not working out as planned. I have to wait for three months because that's when the lease is up on the apartment. Financially we need each other right now, but emotionally, I'm just not feeling it.

He chooses his friends over me all the time. If there's ever something that I want to do with him and his friends are not involved, he doesn't want to do it. He'd rather, "be with friends" instead. It's depressing.

I'm moving to London to become a lesbian for a year. I'll get a work visa with and they'll help me set it all up. (The work visa, not the lesbian bit.)

Moving out of this apartment at the end of September works out nicely for me. My sister is going away to college and staying in a dorm, so while I look for a place to live I can just crash at my mom's and stay in my sister's room. Living at home sucks, but it's better than living with my current boyfriend.

I really like him, but I can tell it's not working. I'm a depressing cry-baby to begin with, so adding the stress of having a boyfriend who makes me cry too doesn't help.

Many people have commented that they think we're a great couple and really compatible and junk, but what they're seeing isn't real. I happen to be very good at faking a genuine smile. I've been doing it for so long, I don't even notice it anymore.

I'm going to be such a loser when I become single. I feel no optimism for my future, but I'd rather feel alone in an empty room than alone in a crowd.

1 comment:

  1. How anyone who wants to move to Europe and completely change their lifestyle to try something they've been wanting to do for years be a loser?

    Be sure to write to me when you're there!