Monday, June 1, 2009

Waiting for Happiness

Happiness is not a fish that you can catch. I can't play the ukulele worth a shit and when I told my boyfriend I wanted to move to the United Kingdom for a year on a work visa he said he'd break up with me because he doesn't want to come with me and he doesn't want a long distance relationship. (Even though I'd be gone only for a year... possibly only 6 months! Plus we've been dating for over a year and are practically engaged, just with no rings.)

I'm not sure what he's so afraid of. He just bought a car and his career is going really well. He's made a shit-ton of friends and his music and photography are really kicking off. He has a great life. I don't.

I am unhappy to the extreme. Judging by the name of this blog, perhaps you would agree?

I've always wanted to travel and I think this would be a super amazing opportunity. I'm ready to leave now! I want to go, get out, fly away, never come back for a year!

The BF wants to stay, be rooted, be responsible, buy a house, be a nob.

Fucking lucky bastard. If we were switch positions, I wouldn't want to leave either.

So now I'm debating... do I leave for a year anyway? Lose my job, my apartment, my fucking boyfriend! One of the few people who puts up with my bullshit attitude towards life and living in general.

Do I throw that all away? I don't think that I am throwing it all away. I think I'm putting it on hold until I've seen the world. I've always wanted to travel. Why not now? Why not now while I'm young and and flexible? Later is too late for me.

And as we've all learned with The BF, later is the story of his life.

I can't wait much longer. It feels like I'm waiting for happiness. I just want to go out into the world and be satisfied... If I have to do it alone, then so be it.


  1. Maybe you should consider throwing it all away. Perhaps that's the key to finding your own happiness. It's definitely something to think about.

  2. Here's a cute ukelele song. When I was reading about you trying to play, it reminded me of this song.

  3. i love the ukelele, learn and post something for us!

    and i agree with ashley-- sometimes throwing it all away, means finding something so much better and new!

  4. I also agree with the above two ladies. I always wanted to go to Europe on a work Visa too. I have a time period in mind, where by if such and such a date I'm not in a better radio market I plan on taking a year and going to Scotland.

    It sucks "throwing away" some of those things. But I think you'd discover better things on this adventure.