Premonitions

I was originally going to write a post about how I hate my fiancé and will never marry him. But then I changed my mind. I will still marry him.

Sometimes I get these weird glimpses into what married life might be like. I'll come home late from work because I had to stop to pick up a few groceries. I'll have no help carrying them inside or putting them away. The kitchen will be a complete mess. Dirty dishes everywhere, not even rinsed. The floor needs to be swept. Crumbs and spills on the counter need to be wiped up. I'll spend the rest of my evening cleaning the house, not even getting to spend time with my cats, or children for that matter, if I have children. There's half a dozen loads of laundry to be washed that I simply do not have the time to wash, so it increases to 7 loads of laundry! I'll have a migraine 24/7, no matter how much water I drink, or fruit I eat, or amount of sleep and exercise I get.

I'll have deep bags under my eyes, probably gained some weight from having babies... My clothes and makeup will be outdated. My husband will have this huge gut and leave his facial hair trimmings in the sink for me to clean up. My kids will have behavioral problems mommy's too stressed out to pay attention to them, and daddy doesn't give a damn.

Then I'll get so overwhelmed, I'll get a divorce. But because marriage and children have made me ugly, it will take ten years for me to start dating again. By that time the kids will be older and not such a burden on me. All the money that they're daddy's been sending to us in the mail can finally go towards their post-secondary education instead of dildos for me.

Fuck. I'm never getting married. It's going to ruin my life.