Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Tipping the Scales

Spent the weekend out of the country. I didn't have sex on valentines day. I was too drunk. I tried... but my boyfriend rejected me after I gave him the worst, most sloppy kiss in the history of bad kisses. He said I kind of shoved my tongue all the way in his mouth, without really keeping any sort of form or control. I did get roses. They still smell nice.

True to my style, I cried myself to sleep. I was drinking long island ice tea, and when all that was gone, I started in on the strawberry cream liquor. I had a terrible hangover in the morning, so I just jumped in the hotel hot tub.

I smoked weed with one of my best friends. I only see this friend once a year, so it was a special treat. He's sort of an unrequited love of mine. We've had a crush on each other for 10 years now, and only have kissed once. Closed mouth. I told him I was getting married. He launched into a million questions about The BF, making sure I was truly happy. I'm not truly happy. I never will be. That's an impossible thing for any to achieve. I lied and said I was.

If you set up a scale where at the bottom is Truly Miserable and at the very top is Truly Happy, you will find that it's impossible for anyone to reach the top of the scale. No matter how far up we get, we always want something else, something more, something better. Nobody is supposed to reach the top. Nobody is supposed to reach the pinnacle of happiness. That would be some sort of paradise or something.

And just forget about all that Dali Llama, Buddah, Zen bullshit. Happiness is temporary. Happiness can be faked. I fake it all the time. And being Truly Happy cannot last for long periods of time like Truly Miserable can.

Truly Miserable can be seen with our own eyes. The feeling can last for decades. Truly Miserable can last forever. The people who have reached Truly Miserable commit suicide and that is the ultimate recognition.

Hey, that guy killed himself. He must have been truly miserable, otherwise he wouldn't have.


  1. I agree about truly happy. It's the only thing we can't achieve, but we all strive for. If we were truly happy we would have nothing to reach for and then just whittle away our time waiting for death. That's depressing.
    But I think most people who are truly miserable are a bunch of ninnies. Like seriously, as bad as your life is, I guarantee you it could be ten times worse. Why don't they just sell themselves for slavery in Africa to villainous warlord, or (if you're a chick) sell yourself into sex slavery in eastern Europe? You're not really appreciative of your life, you may as well give it to someone else to make use of it.

  2. Also, I can't even count the number of times you've broken down into tears while being drunk.
    My favourite was a phone message at three in the morning.
    "I'm an orange room *sob* with navy curtains *sob sob* and there are clocks *sob* *pause* EVERYWHERE *wild sobbing*"
    Good times.

  3. long island iced tea is the death of me.

    i dont know, call me crazy, b ut im gonna remain optimistic that there is some form of happiness-- otherwise what the EFF are we going through all this crap for?

    and your not out of hte loop--haha you comment me way more than my other subscribers, doo!