This has been one of the best Saturday nights that I have had in a long, long while. I felt like I was in high school. I felt young and sexy... I had 2 girls hitting on me all night. One was a virgin. It was fantastic! There was nobody at the club and my makeshift group of friends for the evening had the dance floor to themselves. I danced how I felt: Like I don't give a damn.
I wasn't even drunk. I was just so high on life. Nostalgia filled my nostrils as my night wound down. This odd, reminiscent feeling washed over me and I couldn't shake it. I felt like pouring my heart out to any aching ear that would listen, but I kept my trap shut.
I drove a girlfriend home that I hadn't seen in literally 10 months! She used to be my best friend, and I think she still is. I still love her to pieces. Some things just never change... she's an amazing person. Every time I hang out with her I fall in love with her personality all over again and remember why she'll always be my best friend.
But then I wanted to die again. I was filled with so much good, positive energy, I had to get rid of it. It was too overwhelming. I sang songs on the radio at the top of my lungs to pass time on the lonely car ride home. I really do just want to die... but I guess in a good way.
A recreation of the night I had won't happen again for a very long time. I must cherish this for as long as I can. But if I kill myself, I won't have to have anxiety anymore about the next party I attend. The next party I attend won't have to live up to standards that were set tonight. I could just die happy. I want to be happy and I also want to die (sometimes) so tonight seems logical in my mind.