Sunday, March 1, 2009

Die Happy

This has been one of the best Saturday nights that I have had in a long, long while. I felt like I was in high school. I felt young and sexy... I had 2 girls hitting on me all night. One was a virgin. It was fantastic! There was nobody at the club and my makeshift group of friends for the evening had the dance floor to themselves. I danced how I felt: Like I don't give a damn.

I wasn't even drunk. I was just so high on life. Nostalgia filled my nostrils as my night wound down. This odd, reminiscent feeling washed over me and I couldn't shake it. I felt like pouring my heart out to any aching ear that would listen, but I kept my trap shut.

I drove a girlfriend home that I hadn't seen in literally 10 months! She used to be my best friend, and I think she still is. I still love her to pieces. Some things just never change... she's an amazing person. Every time I hang out with her I fall in love with her personality all over again and remember why she'll always be my best friend.

But then I wanted to die again. I was filled with so much good, positive energy, I had to get rid of it. It was too overwhelming. I sang songs on the radio at the top of my lungs to pass time on the lonely car ride home. I really do just want to die... but I guess in a good way.

A recreation of the night I had won't happen again for a very long time. I must cherish this for as long as I can. But if I kill myself, I won't have to have anxiety anymore about the next party I attend. The next party I attend won't have to live up to standards that were set tonight. I could just die happy. I want to be happy and I also want to die (sometimes) so tonight seems logical in my mind.


  1. There is no guarantee after you die. Make the most of what you have now.

  2. You're going to die someday, might as well live it up here while your waiting.

  3. I don't believe in an afterlife.