Alive

I haven't logged on in a few days now... I've been feeling really good lately, I guess that's why. And then today I noticed I've got a bunch of followers and two people posted comments and I kind of felt like an ass for the last two blogs I wrote. Life's too short for appologies though. That's something my uncle once said to me. 

I've been seeing a personal trainer at the gym all week. It feels good to work out! I love exercising. My trainer and I were doing crunches and I made a joke about how when he was through with me I was gonna look like Fergy and he laughed. Made me feel good.

Sometimes being happy feels weird... it's like, whoa, what is this feeling? You never forget what being happy feels like, but then once you are happy, you don't count how many days you are happy for. You only count how many days you've been sad for.

You never count how many days you're healhty; you only count how many days you were sick.

Isn't that odd?

Time goes by so quickly when you're feeling content. Well, time goes by quickly when you're depressed too, I think. It's like you stare at the wall without blinking, then you finally close your eyes and open them again and realize you haven't smiled in two straight weeks.

Sometimes I think that every time I'm happy, somebody in the world is suffering because of it. Maybe in order to keep the universe in balance, so many people have to be happy and so many have to be sad. If I'm happy... somebody else that was once happy is now feeling like shit because I stole it from them or something.

I don't always want to die. Just sometimes. And I'm not always depressed... but I do understand that I have a greater tendancy to become depressed as opposed to some other random person on the street.

My life's not horrible. It's just an average life. I've got a job, friends, a fiance, hobbies... There's just that one extra thing... death. I happen to think about it often.

Naturally I only write the depressing stuff in this blog. It would be boring otherwise. The blogs that get on my nerves are the ones where the writer tells us what time he awoke, that he took a shower, went to work, and how his blog is about nothing and has no real topic...

Do you really care that today I dropped a few goldfish crackers on the floor and my two cats ran over and quickly gobbled them up? Does that seriously interest you? Or how about how last night my fiance spilled a glass of water on the hardwood floor, and then got some paper towel and wiped it up.

Life's not beautiful. Life is a scientific equation. The Verve got it right:

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life; Trying to make ends meet; You're a slave to money then you die

That's exactly how I feel. Life's a bitch, then you die. Plain and simple. I'm a practicing atheist as I like to call it, and I do not believe we are on earth for any reasons other than to keep our species going just like all other species. The fate of ever creature is to die and the fate of every species is to one day become extinct. That's science. I don't believe in an afterlife.

Then what's the point of living you ask... exactly. There is no point. We are hunks of meat, slowly decaying back into the earth for the cycle to start again. There is no point to living because in the end it was all for nothing anyway.